I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize