Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
