Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize