i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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