So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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