so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
