Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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