I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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