There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize