the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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