The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Congratulations! We have a period
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
