maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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