It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
