Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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