You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
