I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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