I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize