i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
