your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
