I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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