Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
