I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Randomize
