I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
