So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
