I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
