he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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