Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
