don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
