The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
