i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
