I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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