bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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