so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
