So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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