Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize