is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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