wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
