A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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