Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
