If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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