I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
