Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
