It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize