Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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