you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
