just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize