First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
