dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're so nebulous sometimes
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
