Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
