i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
