I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Less talking, more tequila
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
