ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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