Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
