so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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