We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
