I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize