remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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