Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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