I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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