I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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