So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize