I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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