Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
