wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
