your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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