I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Small penises have feelings too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
