My boss' voice literally gives me gas
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
