before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
