tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize