Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
