I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
