a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
