dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
