How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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