i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
