There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
