he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize