also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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