he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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