got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
