Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize