His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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