so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
