I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
