it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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