# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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