i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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