I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
