Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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