please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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