I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't deserve a penis
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
