Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
