Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize