sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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