she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
