tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
