your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
