when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
