I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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